Unedited Life (script)

Story of my life...(literally)
Today I went to macy's to browse - super cute top on sale that I had to try on. I picked up the small and the extra small just for kicks. Keep in mind the macy's store is painfully under staffed...so I just take it upon myself to make myself at home in a changing room. Now dont' ask me why; I will never know. At the time it seemed like a good idea to get over the fact that the extra small won't fit me- i try it on first. After weasling my little head into it I look at myself in the mirror only to find that it is a great top that is cut perfectly for my waist and bust-line. When I reach over th get something that fell on the floor I realized that it was really snug on my shoulders and then I try to fix my hair and **ouch** my arms can't contract. the sleeves barely allow me to make a fist...the skin is all pinched around the opening in the sleeve...it's a disturbing sight.

Well, first I try to get it off by myself but to no avail. Then in a panic I leave a dumb message on my girlfriend's cell explaining that I am stuck in a shirt at macy's and am too afraid to walk out of the dressing room because i don't want them to think that i am shoplifting. I peek my head out of the door to look for help- no one is there, of course. So I just sit and wait it out haha 4 minutes later that felt like forever (I was worried my arms would start to turn different colors) a nice short Muslim woman wearing a name badge starts checking all of the stalls for shoplifters. Sitting all weird, quiet, and embarrassed in a shirt that is makes my arms look like loaves of bread I holler before she makes it to my stall so as to not scare her too bad. She sees me and stifles a laugh. She continues to be inhumanly polite as I explain what had happened; occassionally, smiling only after I have made it abundantly clear that she is laughing with me not at me. I felt horrible because I didn't want to offend her in any way; with the Muslim religion beign so all about modesty and all but i just could not have gotten out of that top otherwise. After realizing that my shoulders were not double jointed we opted for the superman pose and pull. A success. My hair is tossed up and both of us are red; still haven't decided if hers was from the work out or embarrassment...I hope the latter. Everything fit great except for the arm holes so I bought the top in hopes taht a tailor can fix the minor problem (it was mad sale monies off so I didn't feel all that bad).

The same woman who helped get the top off wrung me up. And as i waited for my plastic to be accepted I joked taht I gave her full copyrights to that experience for future lunch room gossip or family dinnertable talks. Sweetly she gave me a look of pity and kindly said with sincerity that no one would ever hear about it. As I put the bag away with my new miscut shirt she takes out a form and circles an email address where then below she writes her full name out and hands it to me. The only thing that was requested of me was to go to teh site and give her a positive rating on customer help.